


December 5th

by thezonefic



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Challenge Response, Complete, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Canon character death, Minor Non-Canon Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, no explicit sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-29
Updated: 2011-04-29
Packaged: 2017-10-18 19:09:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/192259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thezonefic/pseuds/thezonefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marcus broods remembering Arisia and the day the Shadows came.   Neroon and Marcus are in an established long-term relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	December 5th

**Author's Note:**

> Isisisatis came up for the idea of the Advent calendar; this is my first entry for the challenge. I’ve borrowed some words from Hightower’s dictionary. This fic is somewhat angsty (is that even a word?). But December the 5 th is somewhat bitter sweet for me these days. So happy birthday, honey, and I miss you. Probably rated to high, but I tend to caution of the higher side for rating my writing.
> 
> Warnings: Angsty.
> 
> Beta: KerorinSama, you do such a good job with my writing, it's actually readable after you're done.

Date: December 2004

The balcony beckons to me, calling in a way that only happens once every year, drawing me from the warmth of Neroon’s embrace, the comfort of our bed. The stars shine very brightly tonight, unusually brightly for what tonight is. Memories well forth from the deep, dark place in my mind at the twinkling dance of those stars. There is no moon tonight. Shaibar hides her light before rising in the new moon in a few more days to signal the start of Khon Cha’ , letting the stars of the sea be very clearly seen tonight. I could almost think that I could see the giant red star that Arisia called Sol. It’s cold out here - deeply, chillingly cold. The time of deep cold, the winter season, Khon, Neroon’s favorite season. A cold that is echoed by the pall in my soul tonight. I usually don’t mind the cold so much, having been raised under the domes of Arisia, that barren asteroid with its own bone chilling winds that blew over the frozen rockscape, but something about the bite in the air tonight especially feeds the melancholy deep within me…the cold of painful memory.

 

December the 5th on the old calendar, the old Earth calendar mum loved so much. The day that started as did so many others on Arisia: work, more work and still more work, trying to get back all that we lost because of the Minbari war. The day that started so normally and ended with so many permanent changes in my life. A day of pain so great that it still causes the scars from my injuries to flare brightly, to remind me once again that, of all the souls on Arisia then, I am the only one to have survived the day the black spider ship came. I stopped asking why I was the only one to survive long ago. There is no answer to ‘why’ except for maybe ‘why not?’ Neroon was the one who helped the most with my own survival guilt; he carried (and still carries) his own, the Drala’Fi, the Black Star, his to-be-first command that never was. That same ship Selise was on, the wife he still mourns 20 years later; his first love.

 

William; yes, that bright shining beacon just coming up over the horizon. The first night I spent in this house, I decided that the fiery tiny star always so low in the winter sky - that would be Will’s star. Ah, William, as agony flares, as brightly as the star I stare so intently at, deep in my chest. Mora'dum didn’t even begin to erase the pain your death caused me, still causes me deep within. The ceremony made your death and my part in it a little easier to bear, but nothing changes that I have never forgotten, that the one time I needed to listen to you, Will, I just brushed you off and death was your reward. Wisdom I have learned over the years since, comes often too late, little brother, but learn I did. I took on your mantle of the Anla’Shok. I guarded those bridges to the dark places, and I tried to keep those who should not cross away. It was a long battle, Will, before we once again beat back evil…the Sher'shok Dum have gone beyond the veil, crossing with the Vorlon and Lorien .Will, baby brother, sleep well…I miss you.

 

Hasina, beautiful Hasina. I never let you know, but I wasn’t as single minded or as blind as everyone thought. I knew how you felt. Given the chance, I might have even one day have taken you up on that offer you never really came out and said, but was always there between us. I hope that wherever you are, you have some comfort in the knowledge I came out of my office and accomplished more then just making sure Arisia stayed afloat. Hasina, sleep well…I miss you.

 

“Marcus, you will get ill if you do not come inside, beloved one. It is much too cold for you. Come, beloved, I will warm you,” Neroon whispers, as he gathers me close into the heavy night robe. “First we will drink a toast to your honored dead; then, my mate, we will love until the light of Ardbar drives back the night for another year.”


End file.
